Wednesday, June 4, 2014

7th Year Itch

Jeff and I just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I know it's not a lifetime of marriage, but we've been through A LOT in those 7 years. A brain injury being just one.

The 7th year is also when a lot of couples end up divorced.

I grew up in a family of divorce. In fact, on one side of my family, pretty much everyone has been divorced at least once.

Now that I'm older, I have married friends. I'm finding that many of them are starting to divorce as well.

It makes me wonder what the point to marriage is.

I've heard people say that you don't know if you're going to get a divorce, or you can't say you won't because you don't know what life will bring. But I thought that was the purpose of marriage. You don't know what life will bring. Things are going to change, your spouse is going to change. But if you are married you are supposed to work through it!

So if sticking together until the end isn't the point, then what is?

Seems to me that if you don't know if you'll ever get a divorce, then you shouldn't get married in the first place.

Jeff and I agreed when we got married that divorce wasn't an option. Period.

I'm human, I have definitely thought about it. There have been times when I wanted to walk away. But I knew it wasn't an option. So I didn't.

Instead, we worked through our problems. Did I mention Jeff has a brain injury? We went through some rough times with that. He changed. He has improved, but he is not and never will be the same man that I married 7 years ago. Nor will I be the same woman.

We've also dealt with a lot of other issues that we prefer to keep private. But let's just say that the 1st 3.5 years were really bad.

People change. There are rough roads in life. There will be days, weeks, even years that you may not like your spouse. But that doesn't give us the right to leave them.

There are so many excuses and reasons to get a divorce. I'm sure you'll say your reason is different. But here's what it all boils down to...


If you get a divorce, you are being selfish.

Now, I know there are exceptions to that. Sometimes it's a safety issue, I get that. But those are the rare exception, not the rule.

50% of marriages ending in divorce isn't because of legitimate reasons. It's because people are selfish.

Marriage isn't about you and your happiness. However, that's why most people today are getting married. And that's why most people are getting divorces.

Marriage is about making us more like Christ. It makes us less selfish. It makes us more patient. It helps us see how patient God has to be with us.

I could go on and on about this subject. It's something I'm very passionate about. We are destroying marriage in America. It means nothing anymore.

Unless you truly believe that you won't get a divorce, you tell  yourself it's not an option no matter how bad things get, then there's no point in getting married. You might as well change your vows from "til death do us part" to "until I get tired of you."

Seriously, pull your face away from the mirror. Stop staring at yourself, and what you think you want. Start looking at your spouse and figure out what he/she needs. When you die to yourself is when you gain the most.

It doesn't matter how selfish you think your spouse is, unless you are perfect, you can change something to make your marriage better. So stop trying to change your spouse, and work on what you can change which is you. Change your perspective, change your attitude, change your habits.

Divorce among Christians really makes me mad.

"'Why then,' they asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?' Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.' The disciples said to him, 'If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it is better not to marry.'" Matthew 9:7-10.

I can guarantee you, there will be no 7th year itch with Jeff and me.

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